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So what is my story?

I have been struggling with my life for just over 31 years. More recently I am seeing friends getting married and starting families while I am still single. I have been getting tired of all the comments and have felt like the male Bridget Jones more and more. I am seeing everyone else around me be successful whilst I dont really know what I want from my life yet. Am I too choosy? Am I too picky? Do I expect too much from life and should I just sit back and relax. The weeks are going by and I cant believe we are already in July 2006. What happened and where did life go? Dont get me wrong I am enjoying it most of the time however I would just like to have a little more direction, fun, success and contentment However I know as well that I am just like most of you! Its life!!

Trying to put my story to pen and paper, or keypad and screen is actually relatively difficult as I am trying to narrow down a story that I reckon I could go on for hours for. I will try however and the best way is for me to adopt the rules that are l laid down for all writers on this web site however for the purpose of me adding to this later I will just draw on aspects.

In terms of accomplishments - about three years ago I was fortunate enough to be part of an empowerment seminar where I walked on fire (well 2000 degrees of burning hot coals). I still always live my life and forget I did this actually, its cool to have done it! It gave me a huge sense of self awareness and that by focusing on my mind you can do something amazing, and so can your own body! This really encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and although I did not really take on board a lot of the ideals that were given to me here I genuinely believe that my life started to change from here.

After spending my whole life being unhappy with my weight I decided to take action. I went to a plastic surgeon in Harley Street for a consultation for liposuction. On my way home I felt a sense of relief that I was going to do something about my weight. At work the following day a property developer (I worked in Estate Agency) I knew well came into the office looking shattered and was sweating a lot. I asked him what he had been doing and he said that he was over with his personal trainer over the road. I thought that I would go over and see what it was all about and I saw a trainer who explained the ins and outs to me. Well this was it, do I spend money on a quick fix or do I spend it to help myself and educate myself about losing weight. I lost 3 stone in weight and am in better shape now than I had ever expected. I have since trained as a personal trainer in a bid to help others with their health and fitness goals.

I had a different childhood and introduction to adulthood with a strict stepfather who proceeded to torment my family throughout his marriage to my mother and after they had divorced. I dont want to go on too much about this as I will come back to this in another story but needless to say that myself and my siblings grew up quickly! I realized quickly how important my family are to me and we are a very close unit and very strong. I love then all very much nd it is for them that I dedicate this website too.

The most important transition that I have lived with is that I grew up without a father. He died in an accident when I was 4 years old, and for me it has always felt as though he was missing. I am very proud that I look exactly like him although I have very few pictures. I feel proud of who he was and what he achieved, although would love to have just one conversation with him. I would love to know how he walked and how he talked. If he would ever get angry from something I did and how he might do it differently. I have learnt however that for me to know him is to live some parts of my life for him. Do something that would make him proud. Take care of my family and make sure that if any of them needed anything then I would be there. If I continue to do this then one day I know that I will meet him (even in my dreams) and he will put his arms around me and give me a hug. Thats it really, just a hug from my father would in some way make me complete.

Dont get me wrong, I am very happy with my life and with what I have achieved so far but I guess that I could just as easily write in the same sentence that I am still struggling. I have never stopped wanting more. I would love to be in a relationship (watch this space!). I would like to be as clear in my direction of life as everyone else seems to be.

My main focus on writing this web site is to tell people that they are not alone. We all get scared and we all read motivational books that give us hope and encouragement whatever our fear, yet somehow they dont seem real, from real people, with real lives and real problems that are very translucent to them however very well hidden to the rest of the world. We spend our lives looking up to someone and others looking up to us. We are all the same and if you let others know your story then good for you.

This is unadulterated reality time but judge me and others not! Empathize maybe but walk with me, definitely!

Christopher John

Story shared: 01/08/2006 21:56:27

#1 View the comments about this story Tags: Hope - Accomplishment - Weight Loss - Fitness - Childhood - Absent Parent

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