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Feeling lonely and pathetic

Hi there,

I am a 39 year old man. Having read the postings on this site, I feel my story is slightly different. Many of the contributors feel trapped in families or jobs, whereas I feel I cant even get that far. I have never been loved, or know what it is like to have offspring cuddle me. Having a wasted life is intensely bleak, feeling on the outside looking in.
I have a somewhat sensitive nature which hinders me from living my life. I have a fear of emotional hurt or hurting any one. I feel burdened with an unshakeable pessimism which leads me to never having long term relationships or a steady career. I just cant get my life sorted. My head is full of "if only's" . I am truly pathetic at times.

I do desire to be in a relationship.
Here's a typical scenario: I try to be relaxed with a woman, then I think Im too boring, then I try to be more interesting, then I feel I'm trying too hard, So then I'm jokey, then I think I'm being cheesy, so I become more intellectual, then I feel I'm too intense, then I think I'm trying too many different angles and appearing insincere, so I become disheartened and I give up the ghost.

I am suppose what you would call a sad case, a loser. And in my worst moments I feel freakish. Now I wake most mornings and think about time racing away. I fear the loneliness and bleakness will simply continue which fuels self resentment which knocks my confidence. This cycle seems unstoppable. I simply dont know how people seem to be so together, and forge structured happy lives. I lack the energy to do anything about it. I feel institutionalised by life.
I know it sounds as if I am my own worst enemy, well that's true. I don't know if anyone feels as pathetic. Boy, have I got some issues. Take care.

Story shared: 24/09/2006 19:44:28

#18 View the comments about this story Tags: loneliness

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