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People won't believe me...

I made my first cut on Sep. 24, 2016. I used a spare blade from my mom's utility knife. It was hard. I wasn't even really upset, but I just had an urge to tear into my skin. I held the blade to my skin, and quickly jerked my arm away. The cut actually was pretty deep and left a small scar. Afterwards, I conitnued to cut fairly often. The cuts were mostly shallow and just bled a bit. I didn't tell anyone because I believed that they would say, "You don't cut deep enough to be really depressed." Or, "You aren't a real cutter." After months of cutting deeper and deeper, longer cuts, longer sleeves, I hit rock bottom. I used the knife to cut all down my forearm. Previously, I had only cut in places that I could hide, but now my entire arm is criscrossed with shallow cuts, scratches and symbols. I have a big scar in the shape of a symbol that I made up to represent my depression. I ended up revealing my self harm to my "boyfriend?" and he accepted it, though, I told him that I stopped even though I haven't. The other day during gym, he kept bugging me about keeping my arms crossed, so I finally pulled him aside and showed him my arm. He was pretty freaked. He asked me when I did it and I told him that it was a few weeks ago. It wasn't. When I told him, I hoped that he would talk about it and then I could vent to him, but he just ignored it. He didn't understand like I wanted. It hurt.

Story shared: 17/12/2016 04:26:10

#5341 View the comments about this story Tags: self harm - depression - tell - Cut

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