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All alone

I started cutting when I was 13...I'm almost 16 now. I was bullied for so many years at school; being called fat, ugly, worthless, and even told that the world would be better off without me. At home, I was expected to be perfect and the only time I was noticed was when I wasn't perfect. I was verbally abused and I was physically abused by my brother...in fact I discovered recently I got 2 concussions during that period. At home, I was constantly told to hide my problems from everyone because everyone will stab you in the back. I figured that if my options were talk to my family and stay silent, I was better off staying silent. I pushed down my emotions and refused to feel them. However, that got so bad that I couldn't even feel my emotions without experiencing anxiety because my body didn't know what to do with it. I had my first panic attack when I was 11 but I didn't know what it was and thought it was normal. I had them a lot and in grade 8 when my grandfather died I couldn't handle myself. However I always had a smile on my face. I cut for the first time. It was a scratch...I was too scared to draw blood. Since then, I have cut a lot...quite deeply...and with a lot of blood. I got in so much trouble the first time my parents found out. I got in even more trouble when my parents found out about my anxiety, panic, depression, eating disorder, and suicidal tendencies. They think I choose this. Who would choose this? Do they think I enjoy this? Do any of us choose this? It isn't fair. Not at all. So here I am, all alone..with my demons.

Story shared: 13/01/2017 03:59:28

#5345 View the comments about this story Tags: self harm - abuse - parental issues

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